One of the most profound statements I may have made in the last year was, “Everything has an underbelly.” And I thank my friend, S, who later brought that statement back to me, as we discussed something totally different, months after the fact.

I have had the bubblings of this text for years, now. I have not written up to this point, because in truth, I have not known the ending. In the bath tonight, I realized why I have rarely come across texts like I imagine this will be: because we never choose to write them as they come. We often wait until the ending is known, and in doing so, we miss ( and/or often misrepresent) the struggle of getting there.

Sometimes, we withhold the story out of fear. Sometimes, it is out of not wanting to “air dirty laundry.” Sometimes, it is a way to protect the others involved in the story.

I am tired of waiting until the end is known. I want to give voice not only to my own struggles and questions, but perhaps to those of many others.

Here I will tell my story. Raw. Unfinished. Undecided.