I told a support person and kind soul who I know has put in a ton of hours praying for my marriage and family, that at this time I feel both thankful and amazed that my husband and I seem to have bucked the trend and amicably negotiated the terms of our divorce. I also reported that I felt anxious, like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I told him I was waiting for him to turn, to decide he didn’t like the terms of the agreement we previously reached. This was Wednesday.
Now it is Friday.
On Thursday, my husband asked me to allow him to see my budget, so we could renegotiate the child support payments prior to our planned meeting at the Attorney General’s office next week.
Ive been waiting for this moment. He first proposed paying $—— per month. This is way above the state minimum. Three-four weeks ago we agreed to $——(71% of that). Last night, he asked me to accept agreed to receive $—— per month in child support. this is 1% above the state standard minimum, and 60% of what he first offered, when he was trying to get me to commit to keeping the children at our current address.
THEN he began tryin to negotiate for additional time for visitation. I’m already giving him more than the Standard Possession Order terms. That escalated into an argument, one ending with him calling me a bitch, as I let him know that the way he was speaking to me was unacceptable and not peaceful, per the terms for him staying here. He threatened to get a lawyer.
I cautioned him that he had until this morning to decide how he would proceed, but if he continued on this path or ever spoke to me in that way, I would hire the lawyer I’ve spoken with, and would no longer negotiate with him. He pivoted quickly.
He apologized. I told him, “Your apologies are paper. They’re empty and worthless, unless accompanied by a change in behavior that means this won’t happen again.”
He cooled down and asked me for a hug before I went to bed! Ugh! I’m mad at myself for giving him one.
I learned today that he apparently allowed my (our) car insurance to lapse this year…. which will cause my rates to be much higher than they would have been if I had a responsible human as a husband! To add insult to injury, he knew I was getting quotes last night, and I asked him how long we were covered by (company name here) before he switched us 2 weeks ago to another company without discussing with me. He had an opportunity to come clean. He chose not to.
His deception, lies, failures to be responsible, failures to treat me as a partner, and failures to come clean before I catch him in a lie persist!
Who does that?
I’m aware that I’m hurt and angry.
I’m aware that if I hire a lawyer now, I will not likely be divorced next month. He’ll drag it out. But I don’t trust a bone in his body.
I want to hire a lawyer, because I know I’m right. I know he’s not entitled to what he believes he is. But I’m afraid to drag this out. Ugh. I want to just be done with him.
I welcome suggestions.
One thought on “Waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
Hire a lawyer. You are vulnerable AND exposed without one. Also as you and your husband no longer want to be together in a union as one then it is unacceptable for your husband to request or expect a hug. That is crossing a boundary and when you are feeling so upset with the situation it is wrong for him to expect you to give or receive a comforting hug – especially when you are feeling aggravated by discussions.
However slow the process of divorce may be with a lawyer involved at least one might expect a lawyer to dot all the I’s and cross all the t’s.
Getting a lawyer is to protect you and your children.
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